Aunt Haley provides a fascinating glimpse at the inner workings of a woman’s rationalization hamster (for those unfamiliar with the phrase, here the Dark Lord’s and Dalrock’s examples/definitions). Specifically, Haley was asking for advice on another woman’s behalf. The dilemma is as follows:
I am trying to figure out what to do about a male friend who emailed me today asking me if I’d like to go for hot chocolate with him next week! (To be clear, I am not interested in him!)
Now, most logical, rational people will read this and immediately conclude three things.
First, the guy is obviously asking her out on a date, because he is interested in her. One need not be a rocket scientist to figure this out.
Second, this guy is a total beta. Hot chocolate with a nebulous time frame? Is caffeine really too edgy? C’mon! Seriously, though, this guy should have been flirting up a storm with this girl from day one, gotten her number, and told her to be ready to go get coffee with him at the time of his choosing. Instead, he tries a rather weak and tepid approach, like he’s a four-year-old boy who’s still trying to convince himself that girls don’t have cooties. No wonder she doesn’t want to go out with him.
Third, this girl needs to tell this guy in no uncertain terms that she is not interested in going out with, period. Quite simply, the guy wants to go out on a date with her, and she doesn’t want to date him. Therefore, she needs to tell him that she doesn’t want to date him. It’s not rocket science, folks.
But wait, there’s more. The anonymous, advice-seeking woman continues:
My roommate and I have just had a discussion on whether this is a date, and what I should say in response. This is especially tricky, because this particular guy is not actually a Christian and set foot in a church for the first time a couple of months ago–where I met him and invited him to our Bible study. So now I am wondering if I was too friendly…but also don’t want to be rude…
I don’t know what it is about being a young woman that makes you evil and/or stupid, but for some reason this appears to be a common occurrence. Even if she was being “too friendly,” just what does that have to do with anything? Obviously, this guy isn’t particularly good at reading signals. Even if he were, and this girl was being too friendly at first, she doesn’t “owe” him a date.
And what does her bible study group have to do with anything? If the only reason he would study the bible is simply to be near her, then he really isn’t interested in the bible. The command is to go into the entire world and preach, not go into the entire world and date. Why? Because preaching is what truly leads others to Christ, not empty promises of romance. Therefore, this line of reasoning is null as well.
And finally, it must be noted that it is extremely rude to string someone along. I would argue that it’s ruder than not giving them a chance. She doesn’t owe him anything, including cruelty. Why then does she feel compelled to string him along?
Here, then, is the rub, gentlemen: Women, whether they are conscious of it or not, can be incredibly cruel in their thinking. This lady is not at all interested in this guy, and instead of immediately telling him she isn’t interested in dating him, she seriously considers stringing him along, and making him her beta chump.
Thus, there are two things men should take away from this example.
First and foremost, women are innately cruel. And in this case, the cruelty isn’t intentional. She wants to do right by him, but simply makes the matter more complicated than it needs to be. I don’t know why she does so. Maybe, deep down in her hindbrain, she enjoys the attention. Maybe she likes getting free stuff. Maybe she wants to alleviate her self-inflicted guilt. Who knows? And yet, in spite of her intentions, she is quite at risk for doing something egregiously inconsiderate. All she needs to do is say no, but she feels compelled to make the situation more complicated than that when it really isn’t.
The other lesson to take away is that no man should ever, to use a phrase, trust a ho. It appears that women cannot help themselves* from being cruel to men. It’s just in their nature. That is why Shakespeare wrote an instruction book on how to break women of this practice.
Men, don’t be this guy. Don’t allow yourselves to be strung along by a woman. They may never intend to treat you as a beta-orbiter whipping-boy. But, in the grand scheme of things, their intentions don’t matter. All that matters are the consequences of their actions. So, men, never listen to what a woman says. Observe what they do. And if what they are doing is to your detriment, it is time to move on.
*Note: in case you are unable to tell, or are a woman, I am speaking of women’s behavior in general. Yes there are exceptions to the rules. No, those exceptions don’t change the rules. Also, this sort of disclaimer should go without saying. In fact, it should be assumed, unless stated otherwise, that blanket statements are intended as generalities.